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soliloquy; ephemeral landings
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Posted on Friday, 1 February 2013 @ Friday, February 01, 2013
Hey thereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
This week has been revolting. Today, was my breaking point.
I know, so early in the year. Why so early?
Why.
Why.
Why.
Why.
Why.
A lot's been going on lately, and it feels like a spiral of free-falls.
One thing comes after another, like a bunch of raving-mad animals.
It's already that point where you have to make decisions you don't feel like making, yet you must. No one's ever questioned you before. And just because of one camp I'm gonna miss, the time has come -
*drumroll*
Not gonna elaborate much on what happened today in school, but it really hit me sore in my guts.
IRRESPONSIBLE.
Man, that word really hurt smack right at the chest.
How could it possibly be that just because I couldn't attend the camp, which was organized for class monitors and assistants, that I am irresponsible?
How could it possibly be that I left a note notifying someone I was assigned to call on (which wasn't in class, and I didn't know where on earth I could find the person) on the said person's desk, for the said person to read as soon as le said person comes back to class, that I am irresponsible?
Okay, maybe I should've WALKED AROUND
Are you kidding me?
Sigh.
Sometimes it's hard for me to carry out my duties, because of mistrust. I do know, that I can't please everyone, but I tried my best. Every single thing I do, every single task that has been passed down, I try my absolute best to do it the most that I could. I don't need people judging me till that point of judgement. I appreciate criticizes and advices, really. And I do, if I can bear it, try not to take matters to the heart.
No hard feelings, yo.
It sucks not being happy :(
I love being happy. Just a couple of days in a row, my friends and I were literally sitting right in front of the wall just to look at ants. And we were laughing hysterically. Don't ask me how, or why. But I love moments like that, where you can just laugh and let go.
It's so hard nowadays to laugh and totally let go. There's just something, always that something in your mind.
It's got me thinking, man, have I done a bad job?
But anyways, here's the thing.
Four years and a month being a class monitor/assistant simultaneously has been fun :) I love my class, I love the people, and I love that feeling of sheer happiness just walking into the doors and knowing even though it's gonna be a busy, busy day, it always turns out great in the end. There's great joy, actually, in being a monitor for your class monkeys. Somehow, it's not the position you're priding yourself over with.
It's the experience of being that particular figure in a group. Where family bonds are threaded. Where all the fun starts. It means a lot to me, mainly because of the experiences (some great, some yeahhh) that comes with it. I don't know, it's hard to put it in words.
My next monitor's gonna be tortured with out antics soon, but I hope she'll love it. I hope THEY'LL BOTH love it :) Maybe one day, you'll feel what I felt, and understand why it's, in a way, a rewarding task.
OHANA STARTS, AND YOU KEEP IT ALIVE :)
Labels: life |
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I write to change, to express, to share. All pictures are mine, unless stated. Enjoy roaming around ;) Some people are destined to sing. To act. To host a talk show. To become a songwriter for recording artistes. To take phenomenal pictures from around the world. To teach. To heal and to nurse. To be in an orchestra or to play an instrument by the streets to entertain the weary passerbys. Everyone is destined to be an individual who'll change the lives of others someday in their own unique way to touch hearts and heal broken ones. Everyone has a destiny, a road to walk and a path to remember when you're old and sitting by the fireplace, reminiscing the old times. I believe mine, is to write. FOLLOW INSTAGRAM TWITTER Tweets
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